My mum brought me a diary to help with my 'memory issues' only its first date is January 1st so its not helping.
I've just forgotten what I was going to write so I'm going to write about something else. Brain fog! I get that twenty four seven, I get confused about what I doing, what I've just been saying, my memory has just plummeted over the last year, like I'm having a conversation with my friends and I'm about to say something and then I'll forget it and then remember it and then forget and this goes on and on until my friends are literally screaming at each other to shut up before i forget again, its like a bad comedy sketch. I'm going off track but now I don't even know what I'm talking about. I think I live in my head, it's my habitat, I'm in my head more than I am the outside world. That's what goes through my mind for a majority of the time until I become exhausted like I've actually just been physically yelling at about a dozen people. I have conversations in my head through all the time, like interviews and confrontations and arguments and speeches about morality. At least not out loud, in my mind I do a lot, I think I ramble in my head more than actually think if that makes any sense at all. I was having these thoughts mostly a few weeks/months ago and then they kind off faded out but then it just came back yesterday with a bang (bad pun, horrible pun, crude pun sorry) I'm rambling. Like the time I saw my aunt get shot when she walked in the room and sometimes its me doing the actions (not those specific actions but actions) but not shooting but I don't want to get graphic. I think about death, in different forms like sometimes I think of the aftermath like ambulance coming and the funeral or things like yesterday I was talking to my uncle and whilst talking he was shot in the head (in my head not in real life) and I don't hate my uncle (used to but thats just teenage drama) so it wasn't a vengeful thought it just happened. I was feeling down a few days ago, the days surrounding xmas which was crap as my brother had come to visit from the US and I was acting like a complete B with a itch (and I don't even say that. I'm not even feeling depressed right now and I'm freaking rambling online like a psycho, my hearts pounding and I'm sweating and now I'm just describing my physical state like a weirdo. Every second I'm thinking is this normal, is this right, is this what goes through other peoples mind and I swear to God if one person on Earth deserved to have the ability to read minds it should be me because the not-knowing is killing me.
#Bulk 9mm brass casings crack
This isn't an ordinary teenage cry for attention this is a freaking SOS! I don't know if this is teenage hormones (and if it is then evolution better fix it cause this is just messed up) or is just like some practical joke, like life is really just like in the Matrix and everyone on the outside world is just messing with my wiring trying to make me crack cause I'm already cracking. I can feel it, something is there, in my head, I know it. I don't know what is wrong but something is wrong.
Somethings up and I can't talk to anyone about it as they have their own problems so I'm just going to have a good ramble online to make myself feel better.
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